It has been 6 Sacred years since you left this planet and created a new path for me~
You, the creator of so much spiritual magic, left this earth to continue from a higher realm allowing me to travel this paradigm with you~
I wallow, and question, I beg for something that does not resemble this, yet after all the tantrums and disarranged feelings, you gather those emotions and the ocean of tears and pour your healing love through me~
I open my eyes to see what you see and to follow the direction of my Spirit, and my Heart~
It has taken me these Sacred years~
It has taken me so far within myself that the only thing that could emerge is the Beauty, Strength, and Healing I named my three children~
I am at a place where I can see from your perspective, and it is nothing I could have imagined~
I am clueless and inspired, I am enduring with wonder and awe~
I live in the constant duality of Spirit, and Earth~
I am steady and I am unsteady~
I am so f#<%ing sad, and I am enchanted, transformed and repurposed~
All of this still blows my entire being into dust~
And all of this has strengthened my weary Soul~
I scan my world and find you in the Alchemy of Everything~
Six sacred years and in an instant, I am at day one~
The instant message, the phone call, my buckled bones melting into the cold hard cement~
My hand pauses on the keyboard, what else is there to say?
Even my writing is all over the place because how do you make sense of the senseless?
I miss everything about you and the way you loved me~
Loved what I did, so you did it too~
I can't say I miss the way you taught me because you are still doing it from a place, I would have never reached without you literally pulling me by the hair from spirit, just like you held it here~
Sacred 6 years Josiah~
I miss you so much it paralyzes me and perpetuates me forward~ Towards you, towards the higher Spirit of Love~
Today I will go to your sisters; She wants to bring joy to this day by having a birthday party for baby Violet~
She said, "Mom, can we change the narrative around this day and celebrate our two-year-old on the 22nd...?"
I believe the "Of course" that came out of my mouth was you because it darted out so quickly and without hesitation!
Yeah, I know you like this silly, funny two-year-old, don't you?
She's quite the character like you were at two~
Tomorrow, I begin the path toward the Sacred 7~
Just writing that makes me want to close my eyes and fall to the ground~
It's fatiguing to wrap my brain around~
So, I will step one foot in front of the other and not get too far ahead of any part of this life~
I think in my sixties and with all the windy roads I have traveled, gifting myself some peace feels really good~
I am clear, this is what you would want also~
I love you more than all the mores~~~~~~
Oct. 22, 2017
The day everything about this life morphed into