Decompressing
I wrote a book? Now what?
The amount of love and support, and the way it was so well received was overwhelming and magically divine. I had known all along that I was not the one writing this story, but the Ethereal energy of Josiah guiding my fingers as I typed away at the keyboard.
After all the preparations, the launch party, signing and sending all the preorders, and the love that was pouring in, I realized I had been in a unformulated kind of energy. Otherworldly within this world. I had been there for years, but the anticipation of the my heart and soul, my grief and love being brought together in the form of a book and now ready to be in the hands of the ones that needed it was..... a bit of an out of body experience.
Yet it set me free. A freedom, not from my my son, but onto so many things I had neglected for far too long. Like painting a wall, rearranging furniture and planting flowers.
Now that might sound like, "What do you mean you couldn't plant flowers?" and that might be a fair question, but the truth of the matter is; grief shows up in the form in which you didn't know was familiar to you. For me in was in the form of a book, for someone else it could be a song, or a garden, or a non profit, and sometimes it shows up in ways we don't understand. In truth, I don't understand anything this companionless lady called Grief shows up in. She just comes out of nowhere now. Freeing me to experience her in new ways that only the book allowed me to feel her before.
Is grief a painted wall or a rearranged home? I think yes, for the ideas I have and the directions I take and now gifted by her. She is a part of me as much as Josiah is.
So I decompress everyday now.
Decompression means; The act of process of releasing from pressure.
I have spent way to much of my life feeling the pressure, the weight of the world, and I no longer can hold it in my vessel.
I can release the pressure, love the present moment, because that is truly all we have, and allow wherever Josiah and my heart take me.
Today, it is writing to you.
tomorrow, who knows?
What I do know is as I decompress, I open up to where She/Grief and He/Josiah, may lead!
~Beauty, Strength & Healing~
Raina**
