Moving Through

Moving through.

Moving through, A term used to acknowledge the way you have processed a situation, issue, or life event.

With everything that has happened in my life, the drama, trauma, and grief, I have often pondered whether I could or would move through any of it.

I mean, the question always arises, “How do you move through? Especially the ascension of a child to spirit. How in the world do you move through such a life-shattering event? Is it even possible? Well, what comes to my mind immediately is No. Yet as I really allow myself to sit inside where I am today from where I have been, I would have to say the complete opposite. I would have to say yes, with a caveat of course. It’s not that I am over it, that impossible, it is that I have come to a place where living inside it isn’t the same. I can navigate this gigantic heartbreak versus it navigating me.

What do I mean?

Well, let me dissect it.

I have come to a place of peace, which I know sounds completely crazy, and you know, I do feel completely crazy sometimes. But what I have learned is that I am here because of this, not in spite of it.

That Josiah is here, not like I want it at all, oh hell no, but I know by the way things line up, or the feelings inside of me, or the thoughts that drop in my mind that he is here. I know that there is no death, I don’t even use that word, because it isn’t a truth, he is in spirit, I am in spirit and in flesh, I am in two worlds and he is in one, the one that we are guided by.

I have learned that if everything I do is to honor that world and this world, then I am moving in the direction of love. The only direction that should guide me.

There are still so many days I feel despondent, don’t get me wrong... this indescribably sucks...

But I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that light is the heart of my children and all I love. That I believe is the moving through that pushes me forward.

Life can be so brutal, and I know one day my children and grandchildren may fall prey to the brutality of this life, I want my moving through to guide them.

I want them to know that no matter what this life tries to hand them, they are the ones that decide how much they keep in their hand and how much they let slide through their fingers like sand.

I have learned more by watching, listening, and feeling than any other way of learning, and I know they are watching me.

I “move through” so they will.

Life continues.

The world keeps spinning.

The mundane still needs to be done.

At first, I couldn’t comprehend that. How was it possible?

Everything felt impossible until it was possible again.

Until I saw, impossible as I’m possible.

Then I felt the earth again and I knew I was moving through something more powerful and more possible than me.