What does it mean to be a mother?
As I have come into my 60’s my perceptions and thoughts around this have gone through the gamut of conclusions.
From the guilt of not doing more, or less; to jealousy over families intact that get to go everywhere together and thrive, to not giving a damn about that and loving and honoring this incarnation for what it is.
Because let’s face it; it is what it is.
Would I change some things if I could?
Oh, hell yes, I would, but I can’t.
I can only be present with who I am today.
Who I was yesterday is still rolling around inside of me, telling me this or that, but I have learned to silence this inner critical woman that wishes things were different than they are, and listen more to the wise crone inside of me.
The woman that has morphed so many times in her life that what remains today is the eclectic reality of me.
Worry and fear are dances with “I got this” all day, every day, and the truth is, all day, every day, I dance with them until I am the only one dancing to the rhythm I choose, not the old or fictitious stories my mind tries to channel down to me.
Being a mother is far from an easy position in life.
Your kids all have their own karma, stories, paths, and journeys to venture through and that’s the hard part of this whole thing, to allow them the space to figure it out for themselves, just like I had to do.
Being a mother does not mean you have every tool necessary to guide them...
You just do your best, you pay attention, you listen with an understanding mind, and you give the best wisdom you can, if, and I mean if, they will listen.
Because let’s face it, I didn’t want my mom’s input all the time.
My Mom taught me more by example than the words or direction she wanted for me, and I believe that is what it means to be a mother.
It’s being there through the good, bad, and ugly, mind, body, and spirit, and when it is time for them to fly, you fluff up their wings, tug some notes in their feathers and remind them that the nest, your nest, and your loving wings will always be open for them to find shelter.
When the Notebook movie came out, my daughter and I began saying,
“If you’re a bird, then I’m a bird.”
How unbelievably true this is.
They are my birds, and if I have loved them with all I am, and they have felt it, then they will fly; and watching them, whichever way they soar, will be the light of my endeavors as a mother, finally, free from inside the would haves could haves, should haves and the what ifs!
Finally free for me to once again spread my wings, and continue to fly!
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