I didn’t realize how much writing Because of Josiah had taken out of me.
As I look back at the process, it was like a supernatural force had taken over me. Well of course “It”, “He” had. How else did I do that? Yet when it was all said and done, I felt like my body deflated like a balloon that’s air had been slowly let out and, a balloon that was drifting in the sky aimlessly going nowhere simultaneously. I was exhausted.
I was barely three years from the worst day of my entire life, and it all came back to me. Not in the same way it had, but in a way that perplexed me. What had I been doing and where had I been for three years?
I had to look up, look around, and process the unfathomable that had just mingled with the mystical.
But first, I had to decompress. Like that balloon. The slow exhale of a miracle.
I wrote a fucking book!! Now what?
I began to question what could I possibly do now? I mean, I had channeled all my broken heart with its ocean of tears into words that came from an “otherworldly” dimension.
I could see that.
The words that settled themselves on the white pages my eyes stayed fixed on were the evidence. So, the only thing that I could do at this point was to marvel at Josiah’s Alchemist ways of communication and... REST.
I took the next few months to chat with whoever wanted to, or who would for that matter, talk to me about the phenomenon we call the Spirit World.
I spent as much time as possible with my kids and grandkids. I was clear I hadn’t neglected them, heck, they didn’t even know I was writing a book, so I knew I had done some sort of yogic tree pose balancing act somewhere, somehow in the last few years that kept me somewhat balanced.
We must acknowledge what we can do. The cants are just too much to bear, and simply not the truth we want to live in.
I may think I can’t muster enough strength to do something or go somewhere, but I can- if I choose to. That is what Josiah and this-this part of my walk in this world has taught me.
Josiah was all about what he could do. Oh, he knew there were things he could not do, and should not do, and should have done, but what’s the point of ""shoulding"" all over ourselves.
We do what we do. With the information, we have at the time. With the amount of understanding and wisdom that we have learned.
And then we do it differently as we learn something new.
I don’t cook. Not because I can’t, because I don’t want to. I also don’t want to knit or learn how to skydive.
I also don’t want to give up coffee even though it hurts my belly, I do try off and on, yet coffee seems to draw me back, and you know what….? That is okay.
Maybe I should knit blankets for my babies or give up coffee for my stomach. Maybe I should jump out of an airplane to overcome every fear I could have, but I don’t want to.
What I do want to do is be present. Be here- even though in this life that I get to still live- Josiah is not here in the physical, and that is well, bullshit right.
Yet, he is here. There is nowhere else for him to be but here.
Our world and the Spirit world are the same. He is Spirit, I am Spirit, and we still live in the same world. I am the one in two worlds.
And with that understanding, I choose to do what makes me feel good and happy. Things that touch my soul and enliven my spirit, because when my spirit is enlivened, I see the unseen and I see the seen.
And with that lesson, I decompressed. I was ready, well, somewhat ready, remember, I am at the stage of choice, to see what was next
Excepts from my next book..
"And the Journey Continues".